diary (march 2021)
march 25, 2021
S. is packing to head back to MO today. Gonna try and focus on my papers this afternoon/tomorrow. It'll take me a couple of days to get into something that resembles a routine.
Met my DnD group yesterday over Discord voice chat. It was fun meeting new people, especially since it's such a novel experience nowadays. I've lost some of the motivation to work on my character but I bet our session on Saturday will ignite that excitement again.
S. is on the way home. I'm listening to my friend Erich's last MFA reading. It honestly feels like yesterday he was doing his first, now he'll be back in NYC in a few months. And I'll still be here.
march 24, 2021
I found a dnd group to join a few days ago, no interview because I think the DM just thought I would mix well with the current group. They are in-between games so I get to start with everyone else which is nice (a lot of games are on-going and need people to jump in the middle of the current drama, which is doable but I think adds quite a bit of pressure on the new player and dm to make it work).
It's still dnd 5e but instead of a high fantasy setting it is the world in 2021 without covid and with a female president. All the fantasy races exist along with magic but most people just avoid it because they think their lives are simpler without it. I'm going to play Rexes Sola (she/they), a tiefling warlock who made a deal with a devil so that she wouldn't die just as she was reunited with her lost love, but the lover (a half-elf priestess named Eli) dies soon afterward (it's uncertain whether it was suicide or Death, Eli's entity, took her as a show of power over Rexes' decision). Rexes' family is all druid who are disappointed by the fact that they don't really show any aptitude for nature or magic, so Rexes enters a fighters guild and ends up a professional wrestler for a while. A lot of elements from other dnd settings exist, they just are affected by modern views and technology.
There's that cliché that dnd players always like to joke about how your characters are obvious projections of yourself who are trying to work through some type of trauma. I do not deny that I share a lot with Rexes, I've lived with heavy expectations being projected on me, gender troubles, a struggle with past decisions I've made, etc. I like that Rexes is a version of me in some way, makes me that much more invested to make her life better. I also love making a playlist for her and figuring out what her past was like, backstories are so much fun to develop.
I'm feeling much better now that I'm back on my meds. The mood stabilizers are a slow burn so we'll have to wait and see the long-term changes. S. watched the first Nolan Batman movie last night, I watched "The Dark Knight" with her. I forget how good that movie is. I thought it was longer and gave us some type of resolution for the Joker, though.
S. might head back to MO today to work on the van for a month or so. We had our DnD game on Sunday with Grace and D. which was a lot of fun! I felt better about my DMing and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
I received my StitchFix box on Monday and it was all shit. I know that the company mostly focuses on a kind of professional clothing but I thought that with all of the money they have they'd at least have a selection of eccentric/interesting clothes. I mostly did this so that S. could get the benefits of a promotion they were having but I also wanted to like some of the items. It's a lot of work to find clothes I like that and I liked the idea of getting help with the discovery process. I'm giving them one last chance, should be getting here next week (their program was scrambling to give me a deal I would like since it noticed I disliked everything they had sent). I'm supposed to get my ThredUp box today so we'll see, I'm trying not to have too high of hopes.
march 20, 2021
Last night we rewatched HMC again, and then once more this morning. It's nice to have in the background and also notice new details every time. I had some Manolo's for dinner last night, and S. and I went to Harvest Market to get a couple of things for her dinner (cheese, bread, chicken). The night felt special in a rare way.
I've been "applying" for several D&D games, whatever ones I see on reddit that seem interesting. I know I want to play a game as well as run one-- it's hard to find the right mix between strangers and already established groups.
The doctor's appointment went well. He thought it might be a good idea for me to try out a mood stabilizer to help with the weeks that I have where I can't get anything done as well as the anger I get due to the pandemic/quarantine.
(The word "quarantine" has origins in Italian, meaning 40 days--quaranta giorni. I don't remember what year, think it was in Venice but boats would have to wait in the harbor for 40 days before being allowed to disembark so as to make sure the people on the boat were not sick and able to spread it.)
I'm interested to see how the mood stabilizer changes things. I can tell pretty quickly being back on my normal two pills is making me feel much better. It'll still take a couple of days for my body chemistry to get back to normal levels, though. My doctor always asks about how the drugs affect my creative output because he knows I'm a poet. He thinks that looking at the problem through that lens helps me continue to be creative without having to put my mental health on the sidelines.
march 19, 2021
S. and I rewatched "Howl's Moving Castle" last night, the second time for her and the third time for me in the past month. There is just something incredibly calming and familiar about the movie-- this watch included in-depth conversations about Mr. Turniphead's intentions and future actions.
I've got a doctor's appointment today to talk about my meds. I've been without one of my two pills for about a week or so and dealing with symptoms of withdrawal (nausea, dizziness, frustration, etc.) It'll take a little bit to get back on track-- my emotions have been a mess for the past three days especially, that's why I haven't written much here. I tried joining a couple of D&D games through reddit but they require like whole interviews, something I'm not exactly keen to do right now.
march 17, 2021
I officially dislike law librarianship with a passion. Mostly because I just dislike law but still.
march 16, 2021
Been feeling pretty productive today, started the day off by writing a character backstory for a possible D&D campaign I might be joining. (Looked around reddit for a group to join last night and am waiting for their final decision.) Sent several emails, starting two assignments.
march 15, 2021
To-Do List (March 15-21):
-laundry
-write a letter to Tori
-discover weekly
-email boss (tuesday)
-organize/finish DM OneNote notebook
-contact S.K. about QZAP, ask about double keywords
-get ukelele checked out
-doctor's appt (thursday)
-figure out taxes
-tuesday/wednesday: work on metadata paper
-thursday/friday: work on library portfolio (teen area at CPL)
-ask for short extension on community inquiry project
-reference source assessment: bibliographic indexes and abstracts
-CE reflection forum post
-clear out school inbox
-respond to Ruiz email
Month To-Do List:
-apply to work at Urbana Free Library next year
-public library essay
-finish app for ALA spectrum (ala.org/advocacy/spectrum/faq)
-write a letter to Anna
-go through personal library (StoryGraph and LibraryThing)/find books to sell or give away
-work on new full manuscript and BCP chapbook (max. 36 pgs)
-buy envelopes
-send zines to Wasted Ink Distro
-write postcards to iSchool group
-release life syllabus podcast ep.
-contact Dr. McDowell about storytelling club
-renew FASFA
-email TC
-email Ellis (truman)
-spring cleaning
-budget
Texted with Cajun's foster owner today and I'm pretty sure we're not going to adopt him. He seems like a great cat but I think I might be trying to jump into this too quickly. S. assures me there'll be another good cat ready to be adopted when I'm ready.
Some odd energy floating around today. Our hopes were lifted due to news of a chance to get the Johnson and Johnson vaccine but turned out that it wasn't in our county.
march 14, 2021
Took several walks this morning to Dunkin Donuts due to a mistake, but it gave me time to relax a very restless mindset. Woke up with a desire to organize everything in my life that is currently unaddressed. Just that time of the month, I guess. We canceled the D&D session we had planned for today-- one player is sick, S. has to study for a test, and I have multiple projects I should be working on.
new book website where i created a profile to keep track of the books i own/read
march 13, 2021
S. woke up early so we went to Einstein's Bagels for breakfast. I applied to get a cat from a rescue in St. Louis, a tortoiseshell female named Cajun (if we end up getting her I'm going to rename her). Also signed up for a ThredUp box-- I haven't gotten any new clothes this past year (other than socks) and with the possibility of having to be in public again soon I want to diversify my outfits.
S. wanted to watch another Ghibli film so we watched "My Neighbor Totoro". Such a sweet movie, we talked a lot about how we want to be friends with trees and teach kids about positive magical entities.
march 12, 2021
Yesterday: Was a part of the "Poetry in Pisces" reading for La Estación Gallery last night. It was such a beautiful experience, I haven't felt so impacted and inspired by poetry in a long time. PSR read a poem dedicated to me and Camilla-- I teared up during it.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, couldn't fall asleep until 3 a.m. I got to Molly's death on Critical Role and it affected me much more than I expected.
Today: Another quiet day. Took a long walk to think about possibly getting a cat-- the month with S. and Holmes gone would be a good time to get aquainted with the cat as well as general good company. We watched "Howl's Moving Castle" tonight, S.'s first time. She seemed to like it a lot.
march 11, 2021
S. bought a van yesterday! In a week or so she'll head to MO to spend a month with her family and work on van renovation. Because S. couldn't go see the van before purchasing it we decided to ask a neighbor who owns a similar van if we could take a look at it, just get a good idea of the space inside. This is how we met Marilynn, a wonderful older lady that goes camping with her dog in that van. She was very friendly, let us look around, and told us about issues she's had with the van. She's the first new person I've met (in-person) in a while.
My community engagement professor was at an AirBnB this week, so she showed us her oceanside view. It was so nice and made me quite jealous. I haven't seen any natural beauty in a while, living in this flat wasteland.
march 9, 2021
Pulled my back out yesterday, don't know how. I've been listening to the "Howl's Moving Castle" soundtrack to calm down at the end of the day.
Recorded the Armenian folktale of Anahit for my job. I love that storytelling is a part of my new museum job, it's a skill that I want to develop further after I took that class with Dr. McDowell last semester.
In my information organization class today we talked about how we define "collections" and that led us to the Stardew Valley wiki. Seems like my prof is really into the game, as well as a lot of pop culture that I usually don't notice with people her age.
jd covering a song from land before time 7
march 5, 2021
The album I'm currently non-stop listening to is "Beat the Champ" by tMG. I listened to it on NPR's website when it first came out and I immediately loved the first song, "Southwestern Territory". I've never watched or been interested in professional wrestling but the thing that most captivates me in this album is the way the characters discuss their performances, whether or not our idea of "reality" matters in the performing arts. I connect to it through boxing, a fighting sport I have a stronger connection to.
another good article by rachelle about her poetry collection, "that ex"
march 4, 2021
First thought: I stood on a precipice today.
It's been difficult to write anything recently. I think it's because I've been writing for school almost non-stop the past two weeks. No long papers, a lot of short ones which have piled up. Things are slowing down a little so that's nice. I did not end up finishing that mini-chap I had planned, unfortunately.
This past Sunday I DMed the first session of our campaign and it went alright. The first battle was not very eventful and I need to plan them out a little more carefully. The plan right now is to do it every other week. It seemed to me like my players had fun, which is what matters most. Both Tuesday and Wednesday of this week were spent working on the map of the city they are currently in, Lore. I'm using Inkarnate to make the maps-- it's been incredibly helpful in clearing up my mind about certain issues with the story. Once I had a place to look at I could start to picture
Watching "Howl's Moving Castle" for the first time since undergrad. I forget how beautiful Miyazaki films are, it's taken me a long time to come back to them with fresh eyes because of the scene where the parents turn into pigs in "Spirited Away". It scared me a lot in middle school so I timidly watch one of them every couple of years.
In my one class today we talked to the author of an article about the embodiment of information in grocery stores. I might reach out to her to discuss some ideas I have about liminal spaces, the way that bathrooms and grocery stores function as stages for identity.
/diary/