diary (november 2022)

november 21, 2022

Went to a local used bookstore on my way home and spent most of the time thinking about how I shouldn't be there. I finished memorizing "Sporting Life". Recently I find writing in my journal more productive than writing here but it's because I can doodle.

Currently thinking about a video I saw on Facebook in college about a person who was in love with a mannequin having to look for it in a warehouse of other mannequins. I wish I could watch that video again.

november 20, 2022

It feels like it's been two months since November 1st. I've listened to "Christmas Under the Clouds" by Said the Whale a couple of times. It's one of my favorite songs about the holiday season because like the "Charlie Brown Christmas" special it embraces the inherently depressive moments of this season. It's not just seasonal affective disorder, I think. There's just something about how idealized family and friend time around the holidays is and if you don't necessarily have that it can be tough. Played a lot of Stardew and am one stanza away from having "Sporting Life" completely memorized.

It's Trans Day of Remembrance and last night there was a shooting at a gay nightclub in Colorado Springs. Everything around queerness in the U.S. currently feels hazy.

november 19, 2022

Started listening to "TAZ: Steeplechase" and I really like the general premise up to this point. "Amnesty" kinda slowed down and I wanted something different. I chatted with one of the children's librarians while shelving today, talked about children's books and my time at the bookstore. Another slow day at the library.

november 18, 2022

Been playing a couple of hours of Stardew Valley the past few days, as well as re-listening to "TAZ: Amnesty". I'm also in the process of memorizing the poem "Sporting Life" by Jack Spicer. I've got a good half of it down. Slow day at the library today most likely due to the cold.

november 16, 2022

I presented my game idea to a few friends who are into ttrpgs but it seems like everyone's schedules are full for right now. Might have to try again early next year. I feel like I'm making progress toward something even though that thing may not be very clear or direct right now.

november 15, 2022

No snow day today. The walk to work was fine, but I had to wear my beanie because it was still snowing on my way there. It's interesting writing here and in my journal as much as I am because it creates these two very different catalogs of my time and thoughts. Started re-reading "Letters to Wendy's" after seeing a tweet referencing that book. I'm re-listening to The Adventure Zone "Amnesty" arc, which uses the "Monster of the Week" game (Powered by the Apocalypse system). I keep thinking about an idea for a one-shot with that system but I'm not sure when would be the best time to do it-- my holidays are pretty empty but that's not the case with a lot of people.

november 14, 2022

It's snowing right now. S. hopes for a snow day from school tomorrow but I don't know how that'll affect my work day.

D&D was awesome tonight! A great battle with some weird twists and unexpected plot points.

I started a notebook like the one Lynda Barry mentions in "Syllabus"-- I'm following her different lesson plans and ideas. While my moleskin notebook feels like I have to have my ideas in order before writing them down, this notebook feels made for mess and figuring things out. Works especially well for how my thoughts have been bouncing around erratically lately. I wonder how keeping that journal will affect what I write here.

Our heat was fixed today! It hadn't been working since maybe Saturday night, took a nap in my coat today because it was so cold before they finished.

november 13, 2022

A little hungover today, my stomach has been upset. S. and I watched the new Taylor Tomlinson stand-up special which was hilarious. Had to cancel D&D because my brain cannot focus on anything today. I wish I could get a singular thing done today, that'd be great.

november 12, 2022

It's been a very uneventful couple of days. I began reading "Cat's Cradle" yesterday. I'm enjoying watching the shitshow on Twitter with paid verification. My dad was in the hospital again but he's doing better, back at home today.

november 10, 2022

Watched the Weird Al movie. It was ridiculous. I listened to the audiobook of "How to Write One Song" by Jeff Tweedy and honestly think it'd be a good gift for poets as well. S. bought us cinnamon rolls made by the devil to kill us. My brain's been threatening to jump into a depressive pit all day but does not have the courage to do so.

november 9, 2022

Nothing special today. I've been re-reading my craft essay for the MFA thesis. God, I was (and still am) very intense and knowledgeable.

november 8, 2022

I've been sniffling all day, most likely because the apartment got very cold last night. I'm currently listening to "The Anthropocene Reviewed" audiobook. I started reading the physical book back in 2021 when it first came out because I love the podcast but never finished it because of that, I just prefer it in audio form.

Read "Y the Last Man" while working the kiosk today. I remember it as I'm reading it, parts of it coming back to me just before I read them. I can understand why it took so long to make an adaptation of it, there's a lot to work with and change (it's accurate to the early 2000s, but not now). I'll finish the show, it just makes me sad that they aren't making more seasons of it.

november 7, 2022

Worked two 3-hour shifts today at the kiosk. It was nice, honestly. I got to read, see the library at a time I don't normally go. I wasn't stressed out about the future.

Yesterday one of my players (for D&D) told me that they are leaving the campaign. We then had a good session, a lot of new information has been discovered.

november 5, 2022

I'm caught up on "Craig of the Creek". I started watching "Y the Last Man" yesterday. I read the comic sometime in college and began re-reading it today while on my break at work. They had leftover pizza from an event yesterday so I ate some for lunch. I'll mention more about the adaptation of "Y" once I finish both.

While shelving I heard a kid say to their guardian and a librarian that they wanted a book that had every rock in the world. Wrote today's poem about it.

november 3, 2022

Yesterday Sh. told me to write a poem and let it tell me the answer to my current problems. I did and it seems clear: I need to continue moving and go back to someplace where I feel comfortable. It's not going to solve all my problems, I won't reach enlightenment, but it will give me the place to work toward what I want. Of course, when writing a poem I tend to put my hand on the scale one way or the other. The pieces have been there for a while, though.

I was also able to chat with my friend K. last night about it all and we reached a similar consensus. I spent most of the conversation looking at the big sign on the hospital up the hill. It was clear to me that staying here isn't what I want.

Today's been chill. Started season 4 of "Craig of the Creek", wrote a new poem, and been looking up more jobs.

november 2, 2022

Took a stress nap this afternoon as I try to make a decision about the future. I'm currently in a café weighing a thousand options and trying to write two poems at the same time. A. is going to paint a triptych on hell to go along with a series of poems I plan to work on. We're having a stilted conversation about it over voice memos. Been listening to more "I Only Listen to tMG". No one has the answers I'm looking for.

november 1, 2022

Sh. asked me if I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year, which I'm not but I will be writing a poem every day this month. At least, that's the plan. I just need to get back in the rhythm of putting ideas down on paper before I overthink everything. A few years ago I used to do this type of exercise twice a year which meant I at least had 60 rough poem drafts to work from whenever I was dealing with writer's block or taking some time to just read. Writing this consistently allows me to see what themes and ideas actually interest me and explore new ways of doing so.

Plans for the near future keep getting muddled. I don't want to say too much about it right now, but big decisions will need to be made soon.

S. had me make an origami snake with her so that she could see how easy it would be for her middle schoolers to do. During dinner, we watched the new episode of "Chainsaw Man". It doesn't seem like either of us actually enjoys the show at all but we're curious about where it's gonna go and how it's so popular.

Spent a lot of today listening to old episodes of the podcast "I Only Listen to the Mountain Goats". I oddly enough don't want more episodes because Joseph Fink didn't seem like the right co-host to do the show with John Darnielle, but it's nice re-listen to them.